Funny Casino Quotes
Gambling has been enjoyed by mankind since before the written record of history. Now that’s quite some time. So, with it having been around for so long, it’s had plenty said about it, and we’re revealing to you some of the best gambling quotes from across the years.
Nov 1, 2016 - Gambling Jokes, Gambling Humor, Casino Jokes and Funny Gambling Photos to make you smile!. See more ideas about Gambling humor, Humor, Gambling.
We’ve got some downright funny winning quotes, others are more morose, others still are insightful, and the rest? Well, they may just offer you a new way of thinking.
Here's a quick look at some of the greatest quotes on betting ever said (or written).
Funny Casino Movie Quotes
The Best Gambling Jokes and Funny Gambling Quotes Top 10 Gambling Jokes and Funny Gambling Quotes assembled by NoLuckNeeded.com. Please share your funny gambling jokes below in the comment section. If you like poker, check out NoLuckNeeded's huge list of The Best Poker Jokes & Funny Poker Quotes My wife has left me because I am a compulsive. Director Martin Scorsese reunites with members of his GoodFellas gang (writer Nicholas Pileggi; actors Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci, and Frank Vincent) for a three-hour epic about the rise and fall of mobster Sam 'Ace' Rothstein (De Niro), a character based on real-life gangster Frank 'Lefty' Rosenthal. Quotes On Drinking And Gambling Love Quotes Gambling Quotes For Party Gambling Is Bad For You Quotes Anti Gambling Quotes Casino Quotes Funny Betting Quotes Old Gambling Quotes Gambling Addiction Quotes Life Is A Gamble Quotes Funny Gambling Quotes Stop Gambling Quotes. Casino Funny Quotes, bsac casino night, jupiters casino dining deals, casino chips singapore.
Eat your betting money but don't bet your eating money.
Who doesn’t love a good ol’ play on words? Especially when their simplicity reveals such profound wisdom. The idea is simple and just as relevant to your prince as it is to your pauper. Go wild with the winnings you get from gambling and spend it how you please, but don’t put the money for your food and rent into a bet.
The best throw of the dice is to throw them away.
Popular amongst those who don’t like gambling or risk-taking. And, as Italy was, and still is, very Catholic, it’s no shock that they claimed this proverb. You never know where the dice will land, and this proverb asks why you should bother trying your luck.
The appeal and temptation is acknowledged, after all the dice are already in your hand, but you can still walk away. You lose the chance of a potential win, but you can be certain you’ll suffer no loss. Gamblers prefer to live by, 'nothing ventured, nothing gained', and give themselves over to Lady Luck!
In a bet, there is a fool and a thief.
The cold light of day shone on any bet. A harsh approach, it suggests that the winner, the thief, lured in the innocent fool and robbed them.
While there can only be one winner, usually the bookmaker or casino, and the odds are stacked against the gambler, it’s all in the name of fun. If you go in knowing all this and set limits, it’s hard to call you a fool.
A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way.
Author of the great American novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain made a lot of money from his successful writing career but after a couple of disastrous investments had to file for bankruptcy.
A man after our own hearts, he says that it's always sweeter to make a dollar on a great bet than to earn it through grafting on a hard day's work. Maybe it’s because of the thrill of the win, the risk involved, and the instant gratification. Or maybe it’s the glamour and because we didn't work for it. Either way it feels like easy money. Free money. And that’s worth celebrating.
By the way, if you're wondering, 'Faro' is a card game that was very popular in the 1800s until it was later surpassed by poker.
The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
An American humorist, cartoonist, and journalist, Kin Hubbard always got his point across by making us chuckle. And the above quote is no exception. He plays with literal meaning, yes your wallet will have more of a bulge, but his point is clear.
There’s no risk involved in folding your money over once, so it’s safe. But if you are looking to double your money, you need to step out of your comfort zone.
The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius.
Using chips in casinos is probably how so much money gets bet in each game. When you win big, you know about it and you are literally rolling in it, but when you want make a bet, it doesn’t seem like much to put down a few chips. Especially the chips with higher value.
The guy who invented the chip worked out that this simple trick meant way more people would part with more money. It’s like spending with a credit card. When there’s no hard cash involved you lose a sense of the value.
Of course, another advantage is that it keeps games organized, and with chips being thrown around from player to game to player, they need to be durable, the kind of durable that paper money lacks.
A gambler never makes the same mistake twice. It's usually three or more times.
Terrence Murphy has written a lot about gambling over the years, and his alter ego, VP Pappy, is quoted across many gambling magazines. His observations about gambling tend to be insightful yet tongue-in-cheek, probably borne from his own experiences, and the quote above ticks those boxes.
We’ve all been there, believing with all our being that THIS roll is the one. And when it’s not, it’s the one after that. Or the one after that. And it goes on. But this doesn’t have to be your fate! There's more than enough strategic information out there to make sure you're playing your games of choice the right way.
I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
A funny gambling quote from a much-loved comedian. Mitch Hedberg’s deadpan style appealed to audiences across his short-lived career and poked fun at everyday observations. He became something of a cult icon before his premature death.
Just like this quote, he used a lot of one-liners with snappy punchlines to get the laughs.
You know, horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.
Will Rogers was a Hollywood star of his time and led the field in political wit, and used his great sense of humor to entertain the public. This quote takes a direct approach, but the joke is still pretty funny. Funny and true as it ridicules us for our ways of having fun.
If there weren't luck involved, I would win every time.
Known for being temperamental amongst other fellow famous gamblers, this professional has got himself the nickname of 'Poker Brat'. But with that fire comes talent, he’s won a record 14 World Series of Poker bracelets over the years, winning loads of money along the way!
We can see from his success that he’s very skilled and, from what he says above, might not be so lucky. That’s the beauty of games like poker, though. A mixture of strategy and luck will get you that win meaning that players with less ability might actually win against those with all the know-how. With luck thrown in, you never know what will happen and that’s what keeps players coming back over and over again for more.
If you're a gambler, quote us on this: The odds are you'll love these funny gambling quotes. Who wouldn't go double-down on a page of funny quotes amount gamblers and betting? No crapping out here!
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Funny Gambling Quotes ... |
'Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.' 'I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind.' 'The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.' 'The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil.' 'Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich—something for nothing. ' 'Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.' 'In Louisiana, we don't bet on football games, we bet on whether a politician is going to be indicted or not.' 'Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.' 'I don't gamble, because winning a hundred dollars doesn't give me great pleasure. But losing a hundred dollars pisses me off.' 'Casinos and prostitutes have the same thing in common; they are both trying to screw you out of your money and send you home with a smile on you face.' 'Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.' 'No wife can endure a gambling husband—unless he is a steady winner.' 'A Gentleman is a man who will pay his gambling debts even when he knows he has been cheated.' 'If you ain't just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven't studied the games enough.' |
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Funny Gambling Quotes ... |
'When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.' 'If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.' 'In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.' 'Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.' |
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Funny Gambling Quotes ... |
'There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.' 'The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.' 'No dog can go as fast as the money you bet on him.' 'The best throw with the dice is to throw them away.' 'In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the Keno Lounge. Nothing ever gets hit there.' 'Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.' |
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Funny Gambling Quotes ... |
'I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.' 'A race track is a place where windows clean people.' 'Nobody has ever bet enough on a winning horse.' 'You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.' 'One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.' 'A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time.' 'Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people.' |
Funny Gambling Quotes ... |
From 101 Dalmatians: The Series Cruella de Vil: 'Memo to myself: Give up gambling. It's wrong... especially if you lose money.' From Star Trek Spock: 'Captain, I'm beginning to understand why you Earthmen enjoy gambling. No matter how carefully one computes the odds of success, there is still a certain exhilaration in the risk.' From Casablanca Captain Renault, pretending to be surprised during a Nazi inspection of Rick's: 'I'm shocked—shocked!—to find that gambling is going on in here!' AMAZON PURCHASES FROM HERE HELP SUPPORT THIS FREE SITE. THANKS! Search Amazon.com for more... |
Funny Gambling Quotes ... |
'I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.' 'Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.' 'God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.' 'One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds.' |
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CATEGORY: HISTORY, FINANCIAL — 14.FEB.2015 Peak Prosperity Either We Break the Bankster Alliances or They Will Break Us — Nomi Prins reviews the historical circumstances that led to the formation of the big-bank-controlled Federal Reserve; that is, how the financial foxes were put in charge of the public's hen house. She then explains how many rich US elites in the late 1800s/early 1900s thought that keeping money flowing and not being too draconian helped the masses, which in turn helped the elites maintain the system that provided the wealth. But some bankers were not of a mind to play the game this way, and Louis Brandeis warned: 'We must break the Money Trust or the Money Trust will break us.' Nomi Prins says we are headed into a new era of high banker mischief, vast income gaps, and reckless behavior among leaders and elites. She says we must take heed of Brandeis' warning and take down the banker-corporate-politician-industrial complex. GP comment: I have passed on a couple of Prins interviews earlier this year, but here she is starting to step outside the envelope and address the bankster power structure as the criminal enterprise that it truly is. Original Show Pub Date: 31.Jan.2015 CATEGORY: MEDIA, EMPIRE — 13.FEB.2015 Democracy Now Endless War, Endless War Spin — As Obama talks about a new major cycle of the war on terror—this time against the Islamic State—Norman Solomon of the Institute for Public Accuracy says Obama talks about not being interested in 'endless war' but is doing more than any previous president to engage the US in exactly that. Solomon also says Brain Williams' worst lies about war were not his exaggerations of his personal experiences reporting from danger zones but rather his parroting the war propaganda of both the Bush and Obama administrations and his failure to challenge any aspect of the corrupt endless-war agenda. Of course, all the big names in media did the same. Finally, Solomon talks about the case of CIA whistleblower Jeffrey Sterling, who has been persecuted for exposing a dodgy CIA operation to the Senate Intelligence Committee. GP comment: Solomon is very good here. The title of his book gives some indication of his tone: War Made Easy: How Presidents and Pundits Keep Spinning Us to Death. Original Show Pub Date: 12.Feb.2015 ~~ Original story titles ... Endless War? Obama Sends Congress Expansive Anti-ISIS Measure 6 Months After Bombing Began ~~ Brian Williams Suspended for False Iraq Tale, But Media's Real Scandal is the War Lies Spun Daily ~~ Was Jeffrey Sterling Trial a Gov't Effort to Divide Investigative Journalists & Whistleblowers? CATEGORY: EMPIRE — 11.FEB.2015 Uprising Understanding the Roots of Terrorism—Theirs and Ours — Much of President Obama's record-breaking defense budget proposal will fund proxy wars around the globe. The US is training and arming Sunni tribal groups in Iraq to fight ISIS, and it may soon begin supplying weapons to the Ukrainian military against Russia. Drone strikes continue to take their toll in Yemen and elsewhere. Meanwhile, a jingoistic film called ‘American Sniper’ glorifies killing and demonizes Muslims with virtually no historical context. Chris Hedges says most Americans accept the myth of American rightness and do-goodism while ignoring the obvious parallels in the terrorism practiced by the US and the terrorism practiced by ISIS and their ilk. He says the empire is not only busy abroad but is also quietly pre-positioning suppressive-force capabilities on the home front, in preparation for the inevitable pushback from the masses as their impoverishment worsens. GP comment: Many excellent points in this one. Original Show Pub Date: 09.Feb.2015 MORE Don't gamble with your news sources. Get audio clips on what's REALLY going on with Grinning Planet's biweekly downloadable audio news feed. |
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